five months.

I am going to try and be more serious about blogging. Its a great way for people to keep in touch and know what is going on with me.

Incase you didnt know, Five months ago I stopped drinking. I didnt really realize how badly and how much control drinking had over me, until I stopped drinking. you know i always thought I was able to control my drinking. I wasnt an acholic because i didnt drink EVERY day. I didnt realize [or didnt want to see it] that a clear sign of an acholic was blacking out and not able to STOP drinking once you started.  these last five months, i have to say have been the best five months that i have had in my life. i am able to understand what life is all about. i am able to enjoy things alot more. regradless of me being extremely sick the last few days, but over all i am finding happniess within myself. its an amazing feeling. a feeling that i dont ever want to lose.

But also within these last five months, there have been some extreme pain that has come along with actually thinking about the reason i picked up that drink. and three things came to mind- my dad, the lost of my baby,  three incredble painful things that i have happen in my life. those things seem to always be in the back of my mind every day all day. Its the whole coping with things that is whats hard. i am doing it. i am holding on. and im learning to reach out when i need to reach out. i got a sponser, i am being active within AA, and i am meet amazing friends. TRUST worthy friends.

this is me with the hubby at fenway park for my concert- four months sober.. i will be posting more of that in a bit. it was def an amazing epic day/night.