a wish right now

We can pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like a shoot star, I could really use a wish right, a wish right now...



So true, Some days i really just wish there was a genie or something that i can rub and make a wish. i just want one simple wish- forget the millions and millions of dollars EVERYONE seems to ask for... no i can live without that, if i can be granted THIS wish... and that is to have a baby of my own. that is alive. with me and with ben. that i can look down at and know that i am this childs world.

The hardest thing in the world is to look around and see everyone pregant, and not feel in the least bit sad that you are not one of them. Deep inside i am truely and utterly HAPPY for them, and they deserve it... but dont i deserve it too? I just want someone to look at me and call me mommy. I want to be someone whole entire world. but for some reason or another this GOD of mind doesnt want me too. i try really hard to not feel bitterness towards him. i do. i try soo hard to put all my trust in him.. and i hear it over and over... God time will allow it.. when "God " thinks you are ready.. at this point i dont feel like he will ever think i am ready..

So that wish that i wish tonight isnt for all the money in the world but for that baby that i can call mine. and that can love me uncondtional.